Thursday, December 23, 2004

HOW THE VIKES STOLE CHRISTMAS

HOW THE VIKES STOLE CHRISTMAS

Every Packer Down in Wisconsin
Liked the playoffs a lot...

But the Vikes,
Who lived in Minneapolis,
Did NOT!

The Vikes hated the playoffs!
The whole playoff season!
Now, please don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that the schedule just wasn't quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that Tight Ends were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that their helmets were two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
Their heart or the lack ,
They stood there before Christmas Eve,
hating the Pack,Staring down from the Dome with a sour, Viking frown
At that Wisconsin city just south and east of their town.
They knew every Pack fan down in Wisconsin so cold
Was busy now, putting on their green and their gold.

"And they're waving their flags!" they snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!
It's practically here!"
Then they growled, with their Vikes fingers nervously drumming,
"We MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, they knew...

...All the Pack with cheese hats of foam
Would wake up bright and early.
They'd rush to the Dome!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing they hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Pack fans, young and old, would sit down for the score.
And they'd score! And they'd score!
And they'd SCORE! SCORE! SCORE! SCORE!
They would start with Ahman Green, and a running attack
Which was something the Vikings couldn't stop with a sack!

And THEN
They'd do something they liked least of all!
The Pack from Wisconsin, let Favre throw the ball.
Cheeseheads would stand close together, with Foam fingers swinging.
They'd stand hand-in-hand.
And the Cheeseheads would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Vikes thought of the Pack-Fightsong-Sing
The more the Vikes thought,
"We must stop this whole thing!"
Why for forty-three years
We've put up with it now!
We MUST stop Packers from winning!...
But HOW?"

Then they got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE VIKES GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"We know just what to do!"
The Vikes Laughed in their throats.
As they put on a Purple Jersey and and a warm purple coat.
And they chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Vikings trick!
"We'll beat the pack and send them home sick!"

"All I need is some Defense..."
Mike Tice looked around.
But in Minnesota defenses are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Tice...?
No! Mike Tice simply said,
"If I can't find a Defense, We'll focus on Offense instead!"
So he called Randy Moss and said we have one goal
We have to give Daunte Culpepper his "Roll".

THEN
He gave him his jersey
and said watch for the toss
In the ramshakle Dome
And he suited up Randy Moss.

Then Tice said, "Lets Go!"
And the Vikes started down
Toward the Dome where the Packers
Were invading our town.

All their fans wore green and some had some gold.
All the Pack fans were all dreaming of an NFC North crown
Thats what they were screaming as they drove into town.
"This is our Dome," Randy Moss hissed
And he entered the dome, purple jersey in fist.

We must get into the Packers endzone with a long toss.
And if TO could do it, then so could our Moss.
He was stopped only once, for a first down or two.
Then he ran into the endzone and said not a peep
after scoring a TD he did the Dome leap.
He ran to the sidelines and said to Mike Tice
"These Touchdowns," he grinned, "are really quit nice!"

Then our Defense took the field, which was really unpleasant,
Brett Favre kept on scoring, like no defense was present!
First downs! And touchdowns! Bad Referee calls!
Pass interference! Offsides! and Green carrying the ball!
The Pack kept on scoring. and did it quite fast,
It didn't matter is they ran or they passed!

Then they scored again. and Farve said to the side!
We're taking this game and your Purple Pride!
His ranting and boasting went a little too far .
Why, that Favre even toke a cheap shot at the mascot Ragnar!

Then he raised his hand and and then made a call."
And NOW!" grinned Brett Favre, "I will finish this once and for all!"
And then Favre grabbed the ball, and he started to pass
When he heard a small sound chasing his ass.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small 99 too!
It was little Chris Hovan, with a sack total that was less than two.

Brett Favre was being caught by this forgotten young man
He was getting caught by no. 99 - forgotten Chris Hovan.He stared at Brett Farve and said, "Brett Favre tell me why,"Why are you taking our Purple Pride? TELL ME WHY?"
But, you know, that old Brett Favre not so smart but still slickHe thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!"Why, my sweet little lineman," the slimy Brett Favre lied,"There is no such thing as your Purple Pride."So I'm taking the NFC North title and shutting your mouth."I'm taking the Title just a little bit South."
And his lie fooled old Hovan. Then he patted his headhe slipped the tackle and got another first down instead.And as Chris Hovan sat on the ground,the Dome crowd went silent there wasn't a sound!
Then the last thing Favre tookWas a 2 touchdown lead.Then he raised his fist and ran down the field, the old liar.He said "I took your Purple Pride pride and your Purple fire".
And the one hopeThat was left in the Domewas number 84 owned by one Red McCombs.
Then it looked like theytook all hopefrom the fans
Ruining all hopeFor their playoff plans!
It was the end of third quarter...All the Pack fans did cheerfilled with up Bratwurst and luke warm Dome beerSome went to their cars,Packed their up with their big fingers! The green flags! Cheeseheads of foam!The beer hats! And green jerseys! For the long trip back home!
Over the silence that ran through the Dome,Brett Favre told the Vike fans "It's time to go home"!"Pooh-pooh to the Vikes!" he was Favre-ish-ly humming."They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two"The all the Vike fans in Minneapolis will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Favre,"That I simply must hear!"So he paused. And Brett Favre put a hand to his ear.And he did hear a sound that he didn't quite know.It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!Why, this sound sounded quite neat!It couldn't be so!Vikes fans rose to their feet !
He stared down at sidelines!Brett Favre popped his eyes!Then he shook!What he saw was a shocking surprise!
All of the Vikings, the tall and the small,Were screaming! As Culpepper threw up the ball!Favre HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!IT CAME!2 touchdowns later, they now tied the game!
And then Favre, who reeling from the 2 touchdown blow,Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?It came without defense! It came without sacks!"It came without interceptions, without referees helping the Pack!"And he sat there puzzled, `till his puzzler was sore.Then the Farve thought of something he hadn't before!"Maybe the Vikings," he thought, "can win this game."Maybe the Vikings...perhaps.. can put us to shame!"
And what happened then...?Well...in Minneapolis they sayIs that the Vikings Defense showed upfor one play that day!You see Kevin Williams sacked Favre going back for a passFavre fumbled that ball and he fell on his assThen Winfield picked up the ball and ran for the scoreThe Pack lost the game and a hellava lot more

You see they tried to take Purple Prideand the heart of Vikes fans
But Moss, Pepper and K-Will
ruined their plans

Brett Favre learned a lesson you know
You can't take our Purple Pride and
...HE HIMSELF...!
Brett Favre had to eat Crow!

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