Thursday, December 02, 2004

You know you're a Viking fan if...

You know you're a Viking fan if...

You wake up in the night screaming, "Drew Pearson pushed off!"
You can name all the forms of martial arts that Joey Browner earned a black belt.
The scum-sucking fish that feeds off the bottom of your aquarium is named "Les".
You make duck-quaking noises whenever you see highlights of a Joe Kapp pass.
Red makes you nervous.
The only time you admit to watching a WWF match was when Jesse tried to pick a fight with
Scott Studwell.
You still go to bars in Bloomington hoping to see Tommy Kramer.
You leave the room whenever non-Viking fans discuss Herschel Walker.
People purposely bring up the Jim Marshall "wrong way" incident to pick a fight with you.
Every time a new Twin Cities disco opens you send an e-mail alerting Darren Nelson.
You recognize the name of Hub Meed.
You think the Metrodome should serve lefsa.
You refuse to let your kids play with your inflatable sword.
You live in cheezhell and you have "packers suck" stickers all over your car!!!
Watching Super Bowl highlights make you sick.
You name your dog "Jarvis Redwine".
You feel your team gets no respect from the media.
When people start talking about two sport athletes you mention DJ Dozier.
Purple seems like a manly color to you.
Your friends start cheering for the Vikes just so you're in a good mood for the week.
You believe eating the grape and lemon skittles can help decide the outcome of the game.
You wear long blonde braids on national television and think it’s is perfectly acceptable.
You refuse to eat cheese on Sunday for fear of helping the Packers.
You're a 40-year-old woman with a 3x5 foot Viking flag hanging from the ceiling in your carefully decorated living room.
You think your sister-in-law is a raving bitch because she won't let your brother decorate his Christmas tree in purple and gold.
You only have two restrictions on the boys your teenage daughter can date:
1. No Republicans.
2. No Packer fans.
You change seats at a football game because the person sitting next to you thinks Purple People Eaters is "just a funny old song."
You spend 12 hours drawing, painting, drilling and lighting up a 3 by 4 foot sign that says
"Viking Clubhouse" with their logo, all lit up in purple and gold. Then you drag it to the bar for the playoffs and hang it in your window during the week.
Your children leave the room during the game because they fear for their physical safety...and their hearing.
You tear your Viking jersey off at halftime when they are losing cuz you think its YOU that are jinxing them by wearing it!
Your Sunday wardrobe consists of numbered Jerseys 26, 84, 80, etc...
You own a stuffed penguin named Burnsie!
You own a real penguin named Burnsie!
You agree that a 1/2 cent tax increase isn't that bad so we can get that damned new stadium!
You remember the purple pants worn on the road in the early days.
The hardest decision is-which jersey for the game
You keep moving your helmet around to find the "perfect spot"
Your Lave Light is purple & yellow

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